Wordless Wednesday

Where does the time go?

I have no idea why I'm posting today after a three month sabatical from blogging. I know very few (if any) will actually read this, but for some reason I feel like writing.

I have had one of the busiest summers of my life, and I don't know where the time has gone. It's strange, really, since I worked all summer but didn't actually teach classes, that I feel like I ran out of summer time much too soon. I remember having all these plans in May for what I was going to get done...lesson plans, house cleaning/organizing, afternoons by the pool...and yet...I'm still pale, unorganized, and now creating lesson plans on a daily basis because school has started and I'm somehow already behind schedule. Where does the time go?

I had also planned on helping my cousin with her new twins over the summer. Somehow, my Saturdays disappeared too, and she and I have spent less time together over the last few months than we have over the last two years. Again...where does the time go?

I wish this post contained news of a baby on the way or other grand changes that have happened, but really...life has just continued on at its lightspeed pace. There are some drastic changes looming on the horizon for Mr. C and I, but I will wait to share those until they are certain to occur. He and I continue to wait in faith that God will someday bless us with a little one. Since no real improvements have been seen since his surgery, we will be facing in vitro again in the future. If you happen to read this post, I would be grateful for your prayers. The word in vitro fills my heart with fear and doubt, and I know I will need HIS strength to get me through it again. Somehow...with life speeding by so quickly...this one part of my life seems to be at a standstill.

I have ideas of writing more posts about what happens in my classroom from time to time. My new students add a level of hilarity to my day that I haven't had in awhile, so I may actually have some blog worthy stories to share. Of course...I make no promises. :-D

Before and After...

This is how I spent my very long three day weekend. I'm still a little sore, but I think we're going to greatly enjoy the benefits from my manual labor.

This is a test blog post. I just found out you can use text messaging to update your blog. Visit www.blogger.com/mobile-start.g for details.

It's been awhile...

I can't really explain why I haven't been blogging. I've thought about it on several occasions, but for whatever reason...never actually sat down to write about anything. I think I've been in a funk. Even now...I'm having a hard time putting all my rambled thoughts into words.

We've been anxiously waiting to see if Mr. C's surgery last August improved his sperm morphology (feels weird sharing that info with the world, but this is "candid confessions"). His testosterone levels are now back up to normal, which is very important, but we found out last week that there hasn't been any changes regarding morphology (how the little guys are formed). There are only 2% that are formed normally, and unless that number changes, we're looking at another round of in vitro.

We've spent the last few months using various tracking methods to determine my most fertile time, and now it seems like all that effort was a waste. And yet...I still woke up at 5:30 this morning just to take my temperature. I will probably get a few comments that say...when you quit trying that's when it will happen...but that's not the case for us. We have to try. We have to keep track of things. We have to start saving up money again, because if there is no change by August...we'll be looking at in vitro again.

I've already decided that if we do go through in vitro again, we will not share that information with anyone. Last time, it was harder having so many people know day to day what was happening...and then having to inform all those people that it didn't work. I appreciated all the prayers, and I believe it's important to have people pray for you. I realize now, though, that even when thousands of prayers are offered up...it's still God's decision, and I don't think thousands of prayers makes any greater difference than just my prayers. He hears all and knows all, and I am at peace with whatever He has in store for us.

I think that's why I'm blogging this morning. Over the last couple of weeks I've felt myself "waking up." I feel like I'm coming out of my funk. I spent 2 1/2 hours in the yard on Friday and another 4 hours in the yard yesterday, and though I'm more sore than I've been in a very long time...I feel great. I feel like I've accomplished something. I've been coming home and doing nothing for so long. It's weird that expending more energy can give you more energy.

I'm not sure how to end this post. I don't have a great summary line to wrap this up, so...I guess I'll use one from my father,
He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Phillipians 1:6

(Mckmama posted a few days back about a new t-shirt offer from Olive Tree to raise money for Until Journey's End. The verse above is from the t-shirt they designed with Mckmama's help to raise money for this charity. It just happens to be one of my favorite verses, so once the stupid bank updates my billing address on my Visa card, I'll be ordering one...and you should too.)

God's Plan...

Eight years, fifty-one days, and probably some hours or so, I had a plan. I was standing in a church, all dressed in white. My family and friends were seated, and the man of my dreams was waiting for me to walk down the aisle so we could start our lives together.

My plan was simple. We would say our vows, attend our reception, enjoy our very short honey-moon, and get on with the rest of our lives. Mr. C would continue on his career path, and I would eventually be a stay-at-home mother of at least three children. We would raise them to be God-loving, respectful, caring, giving individuals, and the fact that their mom stayed home with them while they grew up would be paramount to their success.

Plans can change.

Fast forward about six and a half years. I've now graduated from the University of Oklahoma Health Sciences Center with a degree in Radiologic Technology (which means I'm an x-ray technologist). The plan was for me to have something to fall back on should I ever have to work to support my children. At this point in time, I've been working in my field for a little over two years. Mr. C has moved up with his career, and he's very capable of providing for our family without my income. And...we have no children.

We seek assistance from a fertility specialist and undergo a round of intra uterine insemination (IUI). I remember laying on the table after the doctor walked out of the room. I took one look at Mr. C and burst into tears. This was not how our children were supposed to be conceived. This was not my plan. And, as it turns out, it wasn't God's plan either. All three rounds of IUI were unsuccessful. As well as the round of in vitro that took place the next summer (or last summer if you're keeping track).

So...last summer...what can I say? I was heart broken. I was sure that our plan was finally going to work. I was sure I was going to be able to quit my job and stay home to raise our little one. I was beginning to feel like God had abandoned us. I thought that the purpose of marriage was to have children and raise them to be Christians. I thought my purpose as a wife was to be a stay-at-home mom. How was my purpose ever going to be fulfilled if I couldn't have children, and if my husband wasn't ready to adopt?

Then came the fall. Mr. C had surgery to fix a problem that could be keeping us from getting pregnant. We have to wait until the end of this year to find out the full success of that surgery. Then...I'm presented with a job opportunity that will allow me to leave the hospital setting and become a teacher. Within a few weeks at this new job, I realize that I have received a great blessing. AND...if I had gotten pregnant over the summer, I wouldn't have experienced that blessing. So...ok God...your plan seems to be better than mine at this point. But what next?

Fast forward to today. I'm sitting in my home office with no little pitter patter of feet around me. I've begun working on my Master's degree so that in a few years I will be qualified to take the director position of my program should that be offered to me. I'm actually looking ahead at a career and not at a reason to quit my job to stay home and raise babies. What does that mean? Does it mean that I've given up? Does it mean that my other dream will never come true? I don't think so anymore.

A new dream came to mind this morning, and I think it was from Him in whose hands I've placed my future. I had an image of myself two years down the road, still working, and picking up my little one from the day care center that's on my school campus. I had an image of myself as a working mother...and it was ok. I know 'ok' sounds a little understated, but that's huge for me. It means that I can accept whatever His plan is, and I will be just fine. And...my children will be just fine and just as successful as they would have been had I stayed home with them.

I now have a job where I can work 7:30-3:15 M-F without holidays, or on-call work. I can be on the same campus as my future children, so that I don't have to drop them off at a sitter across town. I will still be the mother that I dreamed of...I will just have another part to play as well. A part that allows me to affect the lives of countless students. I feel a stronger and stronger calling towards this life as a teacher. And...that's ok.

I know this has been a long post, and for the few that read it, I would appreciate your prayers.. It's been extremely therapeutic for me to write it, but I know that I'm still holding on to that other dream...and it's going to take awhile to fully let go. I feel a strength flowing through me today, and I know it's because I am letting go of yet another part of my life that I've been trying to control. I'm giving it to Him, and I'm going to trust in God's plan.

~ Mrs. C ~

365 Ways to Simplify Your Life

I would be remiss if I didn't share this new little joy in my life. I am a teacher. I teach at a career tech (vocational) school. Being the "newbie" I seem to have lots of energy and enthusiasm (At least that's what I hear every time I'm introduced to someone new, 'This is Mrs. C. She's our new energetic and enthusiastic teacher in the Radiography program.) for some of the tasks that have previously been ignored unintentionally overlooked by the more seasoned teachers in our program. So...anyway...we have a building wide contest regarding student bulletin boards, and my energy and enthusiasm aided one of my classes of students in their recent victory in this contest. In recognition of my efforts, I was given the following:























Now...just so you don't think that I'm completely crazy (I prefer the term quirky anyway.), I am not experiencing joy because the little tidbits are aiding me in actually simplifying my life. I'm experiencing joy in writing about these ridiculously unhelpful tidbits and e-mailing them as jokes to my co-worker, Nancy.

I've decided that some of the musings I have regarding these 365 ways to simplify your life would make excellent blog topics, so I may from time to time share them with you. Here's a few that have already been sent:

February 11th Tip of the day: Abandon the past for the present.
Wow! What an amazing revelation! I mean…such wisdom in such a small little sentence. I’ve been trying so hard to find ways to simplify what is going on in my life (and my office), and here’s the key…forget the past. Whew…that was really weighing me down. I’m glad I have my little calendar to keep me on track.

February 13th Tip of the day: Take the scenic route.
Can you explain to me how taking the scenic route would make my life simpler? Isn’t time management one of the most important things when trying to simplify your life? If I take the scenic route, wouldn’t I be wasting time? I would think “Always drive from point A to point B” would be a more useful tip.

February 14th Tip of the day: Deal with taxes long before they’re due.
I would normally say this is a great piece of advice; however, this is the tip given on Valentine’s Day. I was expecting something more along the lines of “Buy your Valentine’s gifts early,” or “Make dinner reservations well in advance.” Maybe they are expecting people to spend lots of money on Valentine’s Day, and the writers are trying to aid in the swift receipt of a tax refund in order to offset the cost. Or…they just randomly printed a bunch of one liners on all these pages, and they didn’t think ahead about what date they were giving such strange little pieces of advice. Hold on…nope…I was wrong. The tip of the day for July 4th says, “Attend a local Independence Day celebration instead of throwing your own.” Oh well…

Again...these are copies of the e-mails I sent to Nancy. She, of course, has already figured out that I'm "quirky," and she's learning to embrace it. :)

~ Mrs. C ~