We've been anxiously waiting to see if Mr. C's surgery last August improved his sperm morphology (feels weird sharing that info with the world, but this is "candid confessions"). His testosterone levels are now back up to normal, which is very important, but we found out last week that there hasn't been any changes regarding morphology (how the little guys are formed). There are only 2% that are formed normally, and unless that number changes, we're looking at another round of in vitro.
We've spent the last few months using various tracking methods to determine my most fertile time, and now it seems like all that effort was a waste. And yet...I still woke up at 5:30 this morning just to take my temperature. I will probably get a few comments that say...when you quit trying that's when it will happen...but that's not the case for us. We have to try. We have to keep track of things. We have to start saving up money again, because if there is no change by August...we'll be looking at in vitro again.
I've already decided that if we do go through in vitro again, we will not share that information with anyone. Last time, it was harder having so many people know day to day what was happening...and then having to inform all those people that it didn't work. I appreciated all the prayers, and I believe it's important to have people pray for you. I realize now, though, that even when thousands of prayers are offered up...it's still God's decision, and I don't think thousands of prayers makes any greater difference than just my prayers. He hears all and knows all, and I am at peace with whatever He has in store for us.
I think that's why I'm blogging this morning. Over the last couple of weeks I've felt myself "waking up." I feel like I'm coming out of my funk. I spent 2 1/2 hours in the yard on Friday and another 4 hours in the yard yesterday, and though I'm more sore than I've been in a very long time...I feel great. I feel like I've accomplished something. I've been coming home and doing nothing for so long. It's weird that expending more energy can give you more energy.
I'm not sure how to end this post. I don't have a great summary line to wrap this up, so...I guess I'll use one from my father,
He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Phillipians 1:6
(Mckmama posted a few days back about a new t-shirt offer from Olive Tree to raise money for Until Journey's End. The verse above is from the t-shirt they designed with Mckmama's help to raise money for this charity. It just happens to be one of my favorite verses, so once the stupid bank updates my billing address on my Visa card, I'll be ordering one...and you should too.)
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