Wordless Wednesday

Where does the time go?

I have no idea why I'm posting today after a three month sabatical from blogging. I know very few (if any) will actually read this, but for some reason I feel like writing.

I have had one of the busiest summers of my life, and I don't know where the time has gone. It's strange, really, since I worked all summer but didn't actually teach classes, that I feel like I ran out of summer time much too soon. I remember having all these plans in May for what I was going to get done...lesson plans, house cleaning/organizing, afternoons by the pool...and yet...I'm still pale, unorganized, and now creating lesson plans on a daily basis because school has started and I'm somehow already behind schedule. Where does the time go?

I had also planned on helping my cousin with her new twins over the summer. Somehow, my Saturdays disappeared too, and she and I have spent less time together over the last few months than we have over the last two years. Again...where does the time go?

I wish this post contained news of a baby on the way or other grand changes that have happened, but really...life has just continued on at its lightspeed pace. There are some drastic changes looming on the horizon for Mr. C and I, but I will wait to share those until they are certain to occur. He and I continue to wait in faith that God will someday bless us with a little one. Since no real improvements have been seen since his surgery, we will be facing in vitro again in the future. If you happen to read this post, I would be grateful for your prayers. The word in vitro fills my heart with fear and doubt, and I know I will need HIS strength to get me through it again. Somehow...with life speeding by so quickly...this one part of my life seems to be at a standstill.

I have ideas of writing more posts about what happens in my classroom from time to time. My new students add a level of hilarity to my day that I haven't had in awhile, so I may actually have some blog worthy stories to share. Of course...I make no promises. :-D

Before and After...

This is how I spent my very long three day weekend. I'm still a little sore, but I think we're going to greatly enjoy the benefits from my manual labor.

This is a test blog post. I just found out you can use text messaging to update your blog. Visit www.blogger.com/mobile-start.g for details.

It's been awhile...

I can't really explain why I haven't been blogging. I've thought about it on several occasions, but for whatever reason...never actually sat down to write about anything. I think I've been in a funk. Even now...I'm having a hard time putting all my rambled thoughts into words.

We've been anxiously waiting to see if Mr. C's surgery last August improved his sperm morphology (feels weird sharing that info with the world, but this is "candid confessions"). His testosterone levels are now back up to normal, which is very important, but we found out last week that there hasn't been any changes regarding morphology (how the little guys are formed). There are only 2% that are formed normally, and unless that number changes, we're looking at another round of in vitro.

We've spent the last few months using various tracking methods to determine my most fertile time, and now it seems like all that effort was a waste. And yet...I still woke up at 5:30 this morning just to take my temperature. I will probably get a few comments that say...when you quit trying that's when it will happen...but that's not the case for us. We have to try. We have to keep track of things. We have to start saving up money again, because if there is no change by August...we'll be looking at in vitro again.

I've already decided that if we do go through in vitro again, we will not share that information with anyone. Last time, it was harder having so many people know day to day what was happening...and then having to inform all those people that it didn't work. I appreciated all the prayers, and I believe it's important to have people pray for you. I realize now, though, that even when thousands of prayers are offered up...it's still God's decision, and I don't think thousands of prayers makes any greater difference than just my prayers. He hears all and knows all, and I am at peace with whatever He has in store for us.

I think that's why I'm blogging this morning. Over the last couple of weeks I've felt myself "waking up." I feel like I'm coming out of my funk. I spent 2 1/2 hours in the yard on Friday and another 4 hours in the yard yesterday, and though I'm more sore than I've been in a very long time...I feel great. I feel like I've accomplished something. I've been coming home and doing nothing for so long. It's weird that expending more energy can give you more energy.

I'm not sure how to end this post. I don't have a great summary line to wrap this up, so...I guess I'll use one from my father,
He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Phillipians 1:6

(Mckmama posted a few days back about a new t-shirt offer from Olive Tree to raise money for Until Journey's End. The verse above is from the t-shirt they designed with Mckmama's help to raise money for this charity. It just happens to be one of my favorite verses, so once the stupid bank updates my billing address on my Visa card, I'll be ordering one...and you should too.)

God's Plan...

Eight years, fifty-one days, and probably some hours or so, I had a plan. I was standing in a church, all dressed in white. My family and friends were seated, and the man of my dreams was waiting for me to walk down the aisle so we could start our lives together.

My plan was simple. We would say our vows, attend our reception, enjoy our very short honey-moon, and get on with the rest of our lives. Mr. C would continue on his career path, and I would eventually be a stay-at-home mother of at least three children. We would raise them to be God-loving, respectful, caring, giving individuals, and the fact that their mom stayed home with them while they grew up would be paramount to their success.

Plans can change.

Fast forward about six and a half years. I've now graduated from the University of Oklahoma Health Sciences Center with a degree in Radiologic Technology (which means I'm an x-ray technologist). The plan was for me to have something to fall back on should I ever have to work to support my children. At this point in time, I've been working in my field for a little over two years. Mr. C has moved up with his career, and he's very capable of providing for our family without my income. And...we have no children.

We seek assistance from a fertility specialist and undergo a round of intra uterine insemination (IUI). I remember laying on the table after the doctor walked out of the room. I took one look at Mr. C and burst into tears. This was not how our children were supposed to be conceived. This was not my plan. And, as it turns out, it wasn't God's plan either. All three rounds of IUI were unsuccessful. As well as the round of in vitro that took place the next summer (or last summer if you're keeping track).

So...last summer...what can I say? I was heart broken. I was sure that our plan was finally going to work. I was sure I was going to be able to quit my job and stay home to raise our little one. I was beginning to feel like God had abandoned us. I thought that the purpose of marriage was to have children and raise them to be Christians. I thought my purpose as a wife was to be a stay-at-home mom. How was my purpose ever going to be fulfilled if I couldn't have children, and if my husband wasn't ready to adopt?

Then came the fall. Mr. C had surgery to fix a problem that could be keeping us from getting pregnant. We have to wait until the end of this year to find out the full success of that surgery. Then...I'm presented with a job opportunity that will allow me to leave the hospital setting and become a teacher. Within a few weeks at this new job, I realize that I have received a great blessing. AND...if I had gotten pregnant over the summer, I wouldn't have experienced that blessing. So...ok God...your plan seems to be better than mine at this point. But what next?

Fast forward to today. I'm sitting in my home office with no little pitter patter of feet around me. I've begun working on my Master's degree so that in a few years I will be qualified to take the director position of my program should that be offered to me. I'm actually looking ahead at a career and not at a reason to quit my job to stay home and raise babies. What does that mean? Does it mean that I've given up? Does it mean that my other dream will never come true? I don't think so anymore.

A new dream came to mind this morning, and I think it was from Him in whose hands I've placed my future. I had an image of myself two years down the road, still working, and picking up my little one from the day care center that's on my school campus. I had an image of myself as a working mother...and it was ok. I know 'ok' sounds a little understated, but that's huge for me. It means that I can accept whatever His plan is, and I will be just fine. And...my children will be just fine and just as successful as they would have been had I stayed home with them.

I now have a job where I can work 7:30-3:15 M-F without holidays, or on-call work. I can be on the same campus as my future children, so that I don't have to drop them off at a sitter across town. I will still be the mother that I dreamed of...I will just have another part to play as well. A part that allows me to affect the lives of countless students. I feel a stronger and stronger calling towards this life as a teacher. And...that's ok.

I know this has been a long post, and for the few that read it, I would appreciate your prayers.. It's been extremely therapeutic for me to write it, but I know that I'm still holding on to that other dream...and it's going to take awhile to fully let go. I feel a strength flowing through me today, and I know it's because I am letting go of yet another part of my life that I've been trying to control. I'm giving it to Him, and I'm going to trust in God's plan.

~ Mrs. C ~

365 Ways to Simplify Your Life

I would be remiss if I didn't share this new little joy in my life. I am a teacher. I teach at a career tech (vocational) school. Being the "newbie" I seem to have lots of energy and enthusiasm (At least that's what I hear every time I'm introduced to someone new, 'This is Mrs. C. She's our new energetic and enthusiastic teacher in the Radiography program.) for some of the tasks that have previously been ignored unintentionally overlooked by the more seasoned teachers in our program. So...anyway...we have a building wide contest regarding student bulletin boards, and my energy and enthusiasm aided one of my classes of students in their recent victory in this contest. In recognition of my efforts, I was given the following:























Now...just so you don't think that I'm completely crazy (I prefer the term quirky anyway.), I am not experiencing joy because the little tidbits are aiding me in actually simplifying my life. I'm experiencing joy in writing about these ridiculously unhelpful tidbits and e-mailing them as jokes to my co-worker, Nancy.

I've decided that some of the musings I have regarding these 365 ways to simplify your life would make excellent blog topics, so I may from time to time share them with you. Here's a few that have already been sent:

February 11th Tip of the day: Abandon the past for the present.
Wow! What an amazing revelation! I mean…such wisdom in such a small little sentence. I’ve been trying so hard to find ways to simplify what is going on in my life (and my office), and here’s the key…forget the past. Whew…that was really weighing me down. I’m glad I have my little calendar to keep me on track.

February 13th Tip of the day: Take the scenic route.
Can you explain to me how taking the scenic route would make my life simpler? Isn’t time management one of the most important things when trying to simplify your life? If I take the scenic route, wouldn’t I be wasting time? I would think “Always drive from point A to point B” would be a more useful tip.

February 14th Tip of the day: Deal with taxes long before they’re due.
I would normally say this is a great piece of advice; however, this is the tip given on Valentine’s Day. I was expecting something more along the lines of “Buy your Valentine’s gifts early,” or “Make dinner reservations well in advance.” Maybe they are expecting people to spend lots of money on Valentine’s Day, and the writers are trying to aid in the swift receipt of a tax refund in order to offset the cost. Or…they just randomly printed a bunch of one liners on all these pages, and they didn’t think ahead about what date they were giving such strange little pieces of advice. Hold on…nope…I was wrong. The tip of the day for July 4th says, “Attend a local Independence Day celebration instead of throwing your own.” Oh well…

Again...these are copies of the e-mails I sent to Nancy. She, of course, has already figured out that I'm "quirky," and she's learning to embrace it. :)

~ Mrs. C ~

Not a "Not Me!" Monday

I will certainly jump back on the "Not Me!" bandwagon soon. I will consciously make an effort to remember all of the ridiculous things that I don't do this week, and I will share them with you next Monday.

Instead...I'd like to share a little anecdote. Now...I can't take credit for this story. This one comes from Mr. C., and seeing as how he doesn't have a blog of his own, I feel like I can share this story on his behalf.

On Saturday Mr. C ventured out into the shopping world to pick up a last minute well planned Valentine's gift for his beautiful wife. This gift was actually purchased from a store that I won't mention the Apple store (well...why not tell you?), and the following conversation took place between Mr. C and the sales guy.

Salesperson: "Sir, would you like to help us save the environment by allowing us to e-mail your receipt for this purchase?"

Mr. C: "Sure. I do all that I can to save the planet. I'm one of the greenest guys you'll meet." (I'm paraphrasing of course.)

Salesperson: "Thank you. Would you like a sack for your purchase?"

Mr. C, dumbfounded and a little taken off guard and honestly thinking the guy might have been joking replied: "Uhh...sure."

The salesperson then precedes to put a single box inside one of the nicest plastic drawstring bags I've ever seen.

Mr. C refrained any further comment, and left the store feeling quite pleased with the fact that he had saved the environment from the useless printing of a 4" x 2" slip of paper that would have surely pushed global warming over the edge.

I have, of course, saved the plastic bag to reuse at a later date.

~ Mrs. C ~

Repost #1

I'm cheating. I'm so sorry, blogger world, but I had to. I had to cheat so I would feel more complete. Isn't that how everyone gets started cheating...they feel like they are missing something, and they look elsewhere to find it? So...how did I cheat? Well, the rest of this post is a repost. I know...it's terrible. I should make each and every post something new and exciting...something that I've never written before. Well...too bad. It's my blog, and I guess I get to make the rules. I'm reposting an entry from my other blog regarding my new job (Well...it was still fairly new at the time that I posted that entry.) And...there will probably be more reposts in the future. I had some things that I shared on my other blog that didn't receive as much attention as I would have hoped, so...I'm reposting them here to see what happens. So...my one follower...you can probably stop reading here since I think you've already read the rest of this. (Disclaimer: I do not condone cheating in any other sense...so if you think this applies to any other aspect of my life...sorry...but no.)

***Reposted from November 15, 2008***
I promised you a more in depth blog to read, but I'm sitting here at the computer and my mind is just buzzing around in circles. No...it's not from my coffee...which I now drink on a daily basis seeing as how they expect me to be bright and shining when I walk in the door to work at 7:30am. I think I've just got more going on than I have in a very long time. And...on a really awesome note...well it's awesome to me...I'm being challenged academically every single day. My job at the hospital wasn't easy, to say the least, but I wasn't mentally challenged. (Oh...ha...ha...that sounds funny - I could delete that and rewrite it, but you could use a laugh too.)

Not only am I having to relearn two years of physics and radiobiology that I sat through five years ago, I'm having to learn how to teach. I don't mean getting up in front of the class and lecturing...that part comes naturally. There's a lot more that goes into this job than I realized...and I haven't really been shown what all that is. For instance, I found out yesterday that when I write my objectives for my lessons, my test questions have to fit with those objectives. If I give them an objective to list five details about a certain subject, then a test question cannot ask them to describe or analyze those details. So...I have to be sure my objectives actually coincide with how much I want them to learn from the lesson. This simple fact has been clouding my brain since yesterday afternoon. Amazing that I have now worked at my job for five weeks, I have already given two tests, and I was just told this yesterday. Anyway...

I definitely have some revisions to make on the test I was going to give this Tuesday. And...my lessons from now on will focus on those objectives in a whole new way. I have so much to do, and I don't know where to begin, and I have three classes on Tuesday that I haven't even started yet. (Yikes!!!) It's difficult since I started in the middle of the semester, the students were already behind, and I'm basically working only a few days ahead when I should be at least a week ahead of myself. I know I'll get there eventually...(Thank you Superintendent for giving us a five day Thanksgiving break)...it's just going to take time. I have a professor from UCO who comes to observe/assist Nancy...the other new teacher...and me during our first year. I was nervous about her first visit yesterday, but I realize now she is going to be a vital resource. She will be observing my class next Friday morning...which I haven't started planning yet either...so please keep me in your prayers.

I just stopped to re-read what I wrote, and it sounds a little like complaining....as if I don't like my job that much. That is far from the truth. I AM BLESSED!!! Oh my gosh...I can't even tell you how blessed I am. I could sit here for the rest of the morning and try to type out all the ways I'm blessed (Not a bad idea...add that to your to do list, Mrs. C.), and I still wouldn't even come close to listing all of them. But this job...wow...it's such a gift! I am interacting with people in a whole new way. I am spending my day working very hard on something that challenges me and awakens a part of me that has been a sleep for a long while...my brain.

I sit in my office...yes - I have my own office...and look out the entire wall of windows into a landscape filled with trees and a beautiful lake. My window faces East, so the sun rise streams through the trees, and I feel God shining through. He is still working on me, and I am more conscious of Him in my life. (Thank you, God, for being patient with me for all these years that I haven't kept you in focus.) I felt fulfilled at my job at the hospital because of the patients that I got to take care of, but the working environment itself was toxic to my spiritual health. I felt stress both mentally and physically on a daily basis, and I would come home unable to motivate myself to do the simplest things around the house. I feel like my day somehow has an extra 8 hours in it now. I LOVE MY JOB AND MY LIFE AND MY GOD!!! My cup runneth over...

Wow...what started out as buzz actually did turn into a fairly long blog. (Not bad...Mrs. C. Now get up from this computer, go get a shower, and finish cleaning this entire house before Waldo and Wanda arrive to spend the day with you.) Yikes...I can sound a little bossy, huh?
***END OF REPOST***

And there you have it...a summary of how I felt about my job in November. My next post will be how I feel about my job in February. (Did I just post about an upcoming post? That sounds like someone I know. Who could it be???) Sorry again for cheating. Actually, I guess I'm not sorry. When you're sorry for doing something, you mean you won't do it again, and I will be reposting in the future...I'm sure of it. So...I guess...um...hmmm....how do I end this?...well...oh I know...HAVE A BLESSED DAY!!!

~ Mrs. C ~

Starting a new blog...

This is difficult. I have been thinking about what I wanted to write since I posted my last entry. Of course, I know I only have one person reading this, but I dream of the day when I may just have some random person out there that stumbles upon my blog on a boring Tuesday night, and they go back to the beginning to read all of my insights and anecdotes.

So...here is my dilemma. What to write about first? The first real entry should stand out. It should grab the reader in a way that makes them want to come back, day after day, just to see if I have something else to share. Which of course...I do. I have lots to share. That's the problem.

How do you narrow it down? How do you find the right subject to start with? I could participate in the usual MckMama blog carnival, but then, if any of her other readers stop by, there won't be anything else for them to read. Also, I seem to be having problems with my short term memory, and I just can't recall any embarrassing things that happened to me this week. (Of course, the previous statement is a blatant fabrication. I would apologize, but again, I only have one reader, and she knows the truth, so why bother?) :)

I have lots to say about marriage. I've been married for just over eight years, and my husband is absolutely amazing. We met on the playground in 7th grade. (Do they call it a play ground in 7th grade? What is it? A black top? There were basketball goals. Oh...whatever...) He was one of my closest friends before I ever considered loving him, and it's been quite an adventure growing up together. I could rattle on about that for hours, but I'm not sure that's where I want to start.

I could talk about my faith. God is working on me on a daily basis. I have had radical changes that I've wanted to make in my life for quite some time, and I finally feel like He and I are starting to get somewhere. I could talk about how I was raised a Baptist and a Catholic and how religion was one of the most confusing aspects of my childhood next to having divorced parents, but all of that is just a little too deep for a Monday night chat.

I could also jump into the subject of parenthood. As the subheader says...I am pursuing parenthood, not actually participating just yet. I could recall all of the roller coaster rides I've been on over the last 7 1/2 years while trying to get pregnant. (Yes...we started trying just 6 months after we got married. What can I say? I was 21 years old, and a little clueless as to what married life actually entailed. I thought, "Babies? Yes, please, and as soon as possible!") I could write about how I felt the first time my husband and I were left alone in a stark white, closet sized exam room after a doctor completed an IUI procedure in order to "bypass our infertility problems." I could write about how we spent over $13,000 in medical expenses last year in order to go through an unsuccessful round of in vitro only to find out afterwards that my husband had something wrong with him that could be fixed surgically. I could write about how I've finally found peace about this whole baby making thing, and how I KNOW that someday God will allow me to be a mother...either to my children or someone else's. But again, little deep for a first entry.

I could write about my new job. I've been teaching for almost four months now, after spending four years working in hospitals as an x-ray tech. I could share with you the pictures from my second story office windows overlooking the pond and geese. I could write anecdotes about my students and the quirky things that I do to keep them interested in a lecture about radiation physics. I could tell the story of how I squirted a syringe full of saline at a student the other day as a joke, only to have missed the student I aimed at and soaked another student's notes. (Wait...that sounds like a "Not Me!" Monday.)

Or I could share stories about all of the people my husband and I have been able to share our home with over the last eight years. We've had our share of house guests...family...friends... sister of a friend who needed to finish her last two years of high school before she returned to Mongolia...the stories about those adventures could go on and on.

We had a dog once, too. I could share the little poem I wrote for our scrapbook as a tribute to his six months of destroying our carpet and his inability to sleep anywhere but on the back of the couch. The last line is, "So we sold you...the end." Good times...

I don't know...maybe I'll just write about all the things that I could write about and make it look like a nice intro to all of my future entries. Hmm...what a novel idea...

Welcome!

I have been a blogger now for a little over three years. My other blog was originally set up as a family thing....a way for our family to keep up with each other. I have been venturing out into blog world lately, and I realized that I have more to say. I have things I would like to share on a totally different level. So...welcome to "Candor Confessions." As the name says, this is a place where I will post honest revelations about Christian life, love, marriage, the pursuit of parenthood, being a woman in general, and other things that I feel I just have to send out to the world wide web. I am an avid follower of MckMama, so some of my posts will follow blog carnivals that only she could inspire. Thanks for stopping by!

~Mrs. C~